Dr Schwartz Response to Amy Chua's Tiger Mother

In response to Amy Chua's offensive article in the WSJ (Chinese Tiger Mother) in which she describes her extraordinarily abusive parenting style involving, among other tactics, verbal cruelty ("garbage") and the withholding of water and food from a a 7-year-old child I  post the following for consideration.
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 I find it concerning that Amy Chua has not been charged with child abuse for her actions.
Wendla A. Schwartz, MD

Our children are certainly unlikely to achieve more than they believe we believe they can accomplish. We must set the bar high,  then give them tools, support and love as they find their way. Coddling,  protecting and preventing failure produces only weakness.  We do not set limits on our children. We allow them to find their own limitations along the way. Truthfully, we do not know what they cannot accomplish. Only in retrospect do we know what they can. All these things are as true for children with mental illness as for every other child.

 While it is true that all children can benefit from goals, structure, support and direction from their parents, Amy Chua has it wrong.  We  must NEVER equate a child's value as a human, their value to us as parents or their worthiness of our love to their ability to achieve. Giving a child the message "You are only worthy of being loved IF you accomplish" is completely different from saying "I belive in you and I believe that you CAN accomplish". My father used to say: "You are pre-approved." Children need pre-approval. Then they need to know we have faith in them. From that foundation, and with the right tools, all children can go on to reach their fullest potential.

Wendla A. Schwartz, MD
Board Certified Psychiatrist
Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist and Psychopharmacologist

Amy Chua's original article can be found at:
http://on.wsj.com/gJPP44